James Bond is not the only man seemingly oblivious to the charms of Olga Kurylenko. The Ukrainian-born, Paris-based model and actress plays Camille, a Bolivian secret agent on a mission to avenge the murder of her Russian mother, in Quantum of Solace. Although Russia is pretty much irrelevant in the new Bond film, the communists in Leningrad, I mean St. Petersburg, nevertheless managed to see only betrayal of the Motherland in Kurylenko's green eyes. As Moscow News reports:
“In the name of all communists we appeal to you, Olga Kurylenko, wanton daughter of unclean Ukraine and deserter of the Slavic world. The Soviet Union educated you, cared for you, and brought you up for free, but no one suspected that you would commit this act of intellectual and moral betrayal,” the St. Petersburg-based KPLO group's statement read, going on to call James Bond “the killer of hundreds of Soviet people and their allies.”
“Your peers are engaged in struggles against NATO and you lounge around on the Cote d’Azur. How could you desert your homeland…? Do you really want Crimean girls to be raped by cruel and stupid American marines?” the statement also read. “Do you know what they did with women who welcomed the occupiers in the Great Patriotic War? Where is your patriotism?”
But James Bond is not real! But James Bond is British! But the Soviet Union and the United Kingdom and the United States were on the same side in World War II! Communists are not altogether blind to reason, however, as The Times reports:
The Communists arewilling to rehabilitate Kurylenko‚ if she delivers her co-star, Daniel Craig, into the clutches of Russia's secret services for interrogation. "Let him tell what other plans are being written in the Pentagon and Hollywood to discredit Russia and drive a wedge between the Russian and Ukrainian peoples," it said.
Sergei Malinkovich, the leader of the city party, told The Times: "Everyone knows that the CIA and MI6 finance James Bond films as a special operation of psychological warfare against us. This Ukrainian girl sleeps with Bond and that means that Ukraine is sleeping with the West."
But Bond "did not even make out with the hot girl," as one guy in my movie theater complained! There goes your quantum of solace, comrades.
