I came across the following post, Is it Child Abuse if a Parent Rejects their LGBT Child?, and it got me thinking, that while over the last years society has definitely changed and progressed in a positive manner regarding gay rights and acceptance, this issue is still a sensitive one. Most can clearly remember the days when it appeared that anyone who was gay was essentially ‘in the closet’, especially children and young adults.
In many ways that homosexuality has gone mainstream, as we have seen gay and lesbian lead characters on mainstream sitcoms such as Will and Grace, Sex in the City and Ellen DeGeneres, for over a decade now. In recent year’s cable TV channels such as Logo and Village TV have emerged to directly relate to the community, as have more and more cable shows such as, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, The L Word. There have even been a fair few reality TV dating programs, such as Bravo’s Boy Meets Boy, A Shot at Love and a Double Shot at Love, on which seemingly out contestants/participants often reveal that their families are still in the dark in regards to their sexuality and their fears of telling the truth. Thus while the fear of stigmatization has faded for many, it remains prevalent for many others on a daily basis, especially when coming out to their families
The following statement is an excerpt from an interview with a personal friend who shared his experiences of coming through adolescence and coming out at the same time;
I myself went through long periods of serious depression, so severe I often seriously contemplated suicide. I’m alive today by sheer luck and my own stubborn will to live and determination to prove everyone else wrong, to make sure they know they’re wrong and I am right and that I will somehow force them to see it. My parents certainly were no help whatsoever while I was depressed, in fact they made it worse by ignoring the issue and instead choosing to believe my depression was caused by substance abuse or any other lie that was more palatable to them than the truth.
I don’t think most straight people realize how daunting, hostile even, this “straight world” can be when you’re growing up gay. It’s like the whole world, the media, your country, your parents, your school, your church, your mates…. are telling you every day that you, as a gay person are undesirable and wrong. Not literally telling you but by their actions, their laws, their rules and values making you feel unwelcome in this world. It’s no small burden to carry when you’re an adolescent, and small wonder many chose a swift exit (suicide) rather than dealing with it.
Every extended or immediate family, including mine, and yours, has faced some level to which they have had to deal with the subject of homosexuality. We all have faced a time in our life where you have been left to deal with the secrets of homosexuality, whether you realize it or not.
I cannot remember in HS hearing of one person who was gay, not even a rumor, it was just something that was never spoken about. Then I accidentally stumbled upon a friend out for the night in another town with her college girlfriend. I quickly realized I was now the only keeper of her secret back home, for me it was nothing I was undaunted by this realization. Maybe I had known somewhere along the line, but regardless of my carefree reaction, my friend left her secret hidden away for years and years, and I think she really only came out when she moved far away.
Sadly while I have seen a lot of changes back home in the Midwest, I still know a few people who remain in the closet, as the pain of rejection is just too close. I cannot even begin to imagine the painstaking care they have to put into hiding their secret life well into adulthood. Yes, of course the secret is really not so secretive, as many of us know and just play along in some sort of way, wondering how they thing that we don’t know.
While moving away is the ‘coming out’ of many, still it is becoming more common now to be out and open at an increasingly younger age than in previous generations. Thus the more open society has become the easier it is for children and adolescence to ‘come out’; it is however far from easy. The younger and younger that one faces the issues of sexuality and homophobia the more complex and difficult those issues can be, and feel, especially if support systems are not in place in the community and especially in schools and the home.
Therefore while society is more and more socially accepting, we are not there just yet. Now the question is: When the rejection of a gay child or teen happens at home is it abuse? The majority of gay and lesbian teens have some level of fear of being rejected by their parents, this is compounded by the fact that this time of growth and change in life can simply be difficult for any teen, let alone when one has to deal with such complex and major issues, such as their unconventional sexuality. While parents can often reject their own children, or their children’s beliefs, for many reasons other than sexuality, and these rejections quite often culminate in fights and even children moving out. However where does this line of just simply butting heads or teenage rebellion constitute abuse? Or does it ever? Personally I believe that it depends on the manner of rejection and the teen’s own personal needs. Some children and adolescents are more vulnerable than others, therefore what may have only a small affect some, may drive others to into a deep depression, or even suicide.
The aforementioned article raises an interesting debate, and while I’m not sure I personally believe its abuse, that is unless the child really is physically abused or kicked or driven out of the home or mentally or verbally abused by the parents. The line is rather thin, and thus I would like to raise the question to you, the readers, is rejection abuse?
