Puns are the lowest form of humor. Which explains why you and I cannot get enough of them.
England’s 5-1 thrashing of Croatia yesterday propelled them to the World Cup in South Africa. This caused the zany editors at The Guardian’s daily tea time email The Fiver to go on a rampage of South Africa-related puns. See if you understand them all:
CAPELLO OF GOOD HOPE
Team Ingerland are through to the World Cup! In South Africa! And the Sun has this morning thrown down a mighty challenge to the Fiver with their inspired ‘Get De Beers In!” headline. Will the Fiver rise to it? Or will we bok at it? Will we resort to painfully contrived gags about the aptness of England’s supermen being based in Cape Town? And tip Wayne Rooney to win the golden Buthelezi? Or are we going to nip all this talk about England lifting the World Cup in the (Zola) Budd, instead predicting them to go out in the first rand? Would that be going tutu far? You’re already boered, aren’t you? Shall we talk about something Els?Of course we shan’t! Team Ingerland are through to the World Cup! In South Africa! Every Englishman and lady(smith black mambazo) should be Habana good time, drinking Pienaar coladas and getting absolutely Pistorious! The prime minister should change his name from Brown to Orange (Free State) and celebrate the fact that the country’s central criminal court is called the Old (Gary) Bailey! Then all we’ll have to do is wallow in the inevitable ludicrous quotes from England’s (Gary) players about how they are now total certainties to reclaim the trophy that is rightfully theirs.
Right on cue, here’s Frank Lampard. “Hopefully we will make a bigger impact in the World Cup than last time,” hurrahed Frank. “It was disappointing to get knocked out at the stage we did. Hopefully we’ll be helped by that experience of being there.” Hmm, that wasn’t quite as strident as we’ve become accustomed to. Perhaps $tevie Mbe can do better? “We know expectations are going to go through the roof now but it’s just important for us to keep playing the way we are playing,” wibbled Mbe in disappointingly measured tones. “We are just trying to improve all the time under this manager,” he added, as the Fiver’s suspicions that Capello really has got this team in order were reinforced, what with not a single player so far coming out with triumphalist Pollocks.
Admit it — you enjoyed this despite yourself.
